i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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