Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize