I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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