hotel room ftw
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
