I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
