we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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