her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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