I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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