I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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