I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
