u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
