proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
