I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
