he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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