We're like a lot better than the average bears
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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