My cat gives me a boner
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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