I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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