Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
