Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
