im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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