you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
