Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
