guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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