So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
