I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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