No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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