is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
