I faked an abortion last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
