Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize