1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
