its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
