Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize