I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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