how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
