Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
