My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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