Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
