she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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