What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
