Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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