4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
