there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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