oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
