if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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