I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
