So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
