Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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