i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
