Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
