i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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