Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
