I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
