he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize