so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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