dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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