Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
