he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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