smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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