running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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