I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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