Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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