Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
