She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
