Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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