i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
