there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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