I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
